Deadpool: A Memoir of Awesome

Have any of you guys heard of the Deadpool video game?

“Of course they have you d!ck head!”

You mind toning it down?

“HELLO! It’s the internet! Swearing is the mother-tongue!”

Wait, who said that?

“It’s me!!! Everyone’s favorite Marvel Anti-Hero Deadpool!”

Deadpool? What are you doing in my article? How are you talking to me while I’m writing this?

“Don’t you worry your shit for brains video gaming mind about that. I’m taking over this glorified video game fest here chief. So get lost!”

Well hello, readers. In case you couldn’t tell, I, the fantastic Deadpool, am going to personally tell you how awesome my game is. Did ya’ seriously think I was gonna let some half-wit writer tell you all about my game? You must be tripping harder than I am when I watch Teletubbies!

Anywho, I was shocked when High Moon Studios. It took twice as many death threats to get a spot in that X-Men movie about the Canadian.  So they gave me a budget, which I immediately spent on enough weapons and women to bring peace to the Middle East. If there’s one thing you can never have enough of, its explosives and HOT BABES!

If you guys are worried you’re not gonna hear my sweet, sexy, manly, voice then you’re in luck cuz I’m gonna be commentating the whole FRICKIN’ game! You know, just so you don’t get lonely and lost with your thoughts cuz we all know when ya start thinking, your idiot minds wander and ya think about other games and when you do that I get PISSED. When I get pissed, I need to kill an obscenely large amount of people to express my rage. You don’t want to see that do you?! Who am I kidding? OF COURSE YA DO! Which is why my game is so FRICKIN’ awesome, cuz I got what gamers love: violence and mayhem! Oh yea, sweet, SWEET mayhem.

So yadah, yadah, yadah, caution to younger players. You can buy it at your local drug store or black market retailer (AKA GameStop). It starts out with me in my apartment, waiting for the game’s script and then we dive right in the action! When this bad boy starts, WE ARE GOOD TO GO! Guns: BLAZIN’! Swords: sharpened for head SLICIN’! Food: already eaten. C4: packed and ready to go, cuz you never know when you’ll need some explosives handy. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITIN’ FOR?! Why are you STILL reading this frickin’ article after all I’ve just told you! Unless you’re gonna comment on how good of a writer I am and how I should be at IGN cuz of my amazing writing skills I kindly suggest that you GET OFF YOUR ASSES AND GO BUY MY GAME! Geez…

Wait, you’re STILL here?! Just cuz ya’ see more text ya’ think there’s gonna be important information? Wrong you morons! I’m no writer, I’m just telling you how AWESOME this game is cuz I’M THE STAR! Ok, now that’s enough! Get outta here! Seriously, GO!  I’m gonna get me some hot n’ spicy chimichangas.  Adios muchachos!

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