The first time I heard about Beats headphones, I didn’t think too much of them. So some old rapper endorsed a pair of headphones. Who cares, right? Well before long I was getting the same migraine I get when people try to tell me that Apple products “just work”. Everytime I take my monthly excursion into the outside world I see just about everyone wearing a pair of these. So what are Beats and why do they make me want to spray people with my water hose? Let’s go into that.

Beats headphones are like no other headphones. They’re endorsed by the one and only Dr. Dre. What? No one ever said that “like no other” means “special”. Oh, and they add bass. Like a million other headphones, digital equalizers and mixamps. I’m no audiophile, but even I know that more bass isn’t always good. I’ve been near cars with the bass cranked up so high that the sound of the car vibrating is literally louder than the music. That’s not cool. That’s embarrassing to black people. Anyway, these things aren’t anything special. You can go to Bose, Sony or Logitech and get much better headphones for at least a hundred dollars less. The only reason everyone is losing their minds over these is because it’s endorsed by some guy who rapped about weed. Now I’m not going to question how relative Snoop Dog is. As much of a geek I am, the only time he’s been relevant to me is that episode of the Bernie Mac Show where he played a spy shop owner. You know, I’ve always wondered what it would be like if Chris Brown endorsed Beats instead of Dr. Dre.

Now this is one of those rare times when I talk about the responsibilities we have as geeks. If you overhear someone talking about getting Beats headphones, please help them out. Let them know that they can get better products at a better price elsewhere. Tell them what I told you. Direct them here. Remind them that the only thing Dr. Dre did was slap his name on these and collect a paycheck… which he promptly rolled into a joint before being tackled by his accountant. Don’t feel bad if no one listens. They’ll insist that bass is all that matters and that Dr. Dre is a millionaire and therefore smart. If they bring up the fact that his stage name is Dr. Dre, it was a lost cause from the beginning. Don’t worry, the electrical sockets will get to them eventually. And don’t think I’m looking down on anyone who listens to Dr. Dre. I love listening to Kiss, but I can still do that while at the same time knowing that Gene Simmons is an old fart who doesn’t know jack spit about the internet.

Even though Beats are a fad and a fashion statement, it really shows how powerful marketing it. With just a famous face, you can trick millions of people into believing anything you want. We’re just lucky that this time it’s selling over-hyped headphones and nothing dangerous.

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The Late Night Gamer has a Tumblr! Now with 150% more bass!

The mushroom kingdom has been overtaken by terrorists led by the villainous Bowser who now sits on the throne having kidnapped Princess Peach. It is up to disgraced plumber Mario, his heavily medicated psychopath brother Luigi, and the toad twin enforcers Muscles and Brawn to blast their way through everything that the Koopa cell throws at the gun-slinging foursome and bring truth, justice, and the good old fashioned way back to the mushroom kingdom…

FINE! I made all that up because everyone and their grandmother knows the plot behind every super Mario game. Bowser has the princess and the greatest plumber never to plumb has to get her back but this time Bowser took the fight to Mario because that scurvy reptile has conquered Peach’s castle. So then let’s get on with the review.

The gameplay of New Super Mario Bros U is the same golden side scroller formula with extra tweaks. I enjoy the formula and liken it to the great KFC recipe…would you want anyone to radically change that crispy deep fried chicken into anything else?

Yoshi is back and he brought some babies with him–each with its own purpose. The blue Yoshi spits bubbles which turn enemies into coins, the pink Yoshi is used to float, and finally the gold Power Ranger Yoshi is used to light up dark places and stun enemies. Only green and gold Yoshi are specific to certain levels while the others are available on the world map.

All previous powerups from the New Super Mario bros franchise are back along with something new called the Squirrel Suit which is basically proves that the raccoon tail+super cape+crack cocaine=one hell of a power up! My 4th grade math teacher owes me an apology. I have yet to finish the game but the first worlds lulled me into a false sense of confidence as I brushed through the levels with no damage taken and gaining 47 lives before I hit the water world and started to lose lives quite fast. This is not an easy game which is a plus in my book!

The graphics of New Super Mario Bros U are bright, colorful, vivid, and beautiful. Each world or area carries its theme well. The grass world has trees, the desert world has sand, the Detroit world has abandoned buildings. You get the point. Some of Mario’s old foes enjoy a new face lift so to speak and are beautifully rendered as are the Koopalings’ castles and those darn ghost house levels (they’re baaaack) which are my personal favorite levels both in atmosphere and difficulty.

The soundtrack is awesome with my personal favorite being the castle theme at the end of each world. I’m really digging that old school Hyrulian beat lost in that awesome melody. Other pieces from previous Mario games are back including the Mario bros 3 Hammer/Boomerang Brother duel song. In short, each track is nostalgia in the making.

Replay value is big too because you need all the star coins to get something special at the end of the game…I wont tell you what it is. You also have two other modes to play which I have yet to touch AND it’s mulitiplayer! Whether you’re a veteran from ’85 or someone looking to jump in to the series, this game is definately worth picking up. That’s all the time I have, folks. I still have a kingdom to liberate from reptilian terror.