Since Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater HD was released on PSN yesterday I decided to treat myself to a new game for the first time in a while. THPSHD is a remastering of the first two Pro Skaters combined. Playing this game I felt like I had gone through a time and landed in my childhood. I’m not one to get excited about HD remasters, but this game is BEAUTIFUL. I think my eyes had an orgasm when I saw how crisp and detailed the Warehouse was. Plus it’s not just the looks that were improved. I was just blown away by how much depth there is in the sound effects, especially when you bust through the glass window in Warehouse. THUG 2 might as well have been on  the Playstation One compared to this. I never get excited about graphics but… just wow, to see a beloved childhood game so clear is overwhelming. Also let’s not forget the soundtrack. Even if you haven’t heard any of these songs before, you’ll feel right at home with them. Just like the levels they included the best songs from the first two games. My favorite out of the set is Goldfinger’s Superman. If you don’t feel better about yourself after hearing that song then that you have just realized that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to sell your soul.

This is a screenshot from Pro Skater 2. It’s amazing how far we’ve come since then.

Now that I’m done gushing about the graphics and audio it’s time to talk about the most important thing: gameplay. Apparently there were some major game mechanic changes during the Pro Skater series, and seeing how the games I played the most were Pro Skater 4 and THUG 2, the earlier mechanics took some getting used to. If you haven’t played Pro Skater 1 or 2 in a while, be warned: you cannot change tricks once you start a grind, manual, or lip move. Also you can’t level out so if you go up on a pipe you need to come down on one or else you’ll wipeout. Included in the game are seven levels from the first two Pro Skaters where you can play the classic Graffitti and Trick Attack. New to the franchise is Big Head Survival, where the players’ heads start to inflate and can only be deflated by completing tricks and combos. Go too long without relieving pressure and BOOM you get confetti and blood. Another thing that’s pretty cool about this mode is that if you’re in multiplayer you get to skate around with no head while you’re waiting for the rest to finish.

I better not see any bobble-head themed Tony Hawk rip offs at Wal-Mart.

To tell you the truth, there isn’t much about this game I really disliked. If I had to nitpick they could have given the options to skip songs or at least see the the title of which one is playing. But that’s not to say that there isn’t a lot left to be desired. There are only a couple of gameplay modes and I wish they would have included Horse. Even though this game is intentionally only remastering the first two Pro Skaters, I still miss later features such as Create-a-Park/Skater and acid drops. It was nessecary to keep this game slim seeing as it’s only a $15 downloadable title and it’s testing the waters to see if a Tony Hawk game can do well in today’s market. Despite that you can really tell that Robomodo put a lot of effort into this game. They didn’t just port parts of the first two games into HD, they built the entire thing from scratch. From the physics to the character models this game is brand new. Hopefully the game does well and they make larger games. With any luck I’ll finally get that sequel to Underground 2 I’ve always wanted. Whether you’re a fan from way back or just looking for a good game for $15 without leaving your house I fully recommend downloading this.

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Well I’ve been sitting on this little piece of news for a while and finally decided to write about it.  Right now there is a Kickstarter Project called Gaymercon, a video game convention for the LGBT community. It’s still raising funds and has reached over double its $25k goal. I’m all in for someone trying to start a new gaming convention, but I’m really not on board with their identifying as a gay convention. Before you call me a homophobe or a bigot I want you to hear me out. The purpose of a gaming convention is to unite people under gaming. Gaming (unlike midget hunting) is a hobby that doesn’t care who you are, where you came from, or what goes on in your bedroom. When you take something like that and separate it on basis of sexuality, you’re going in the wrong direction.

Some supporters are saying that it helps LGBT gamers meet each other. Imagine that I wanted to start an anime convention for black people.  Let’s call it AniNegro. I could say that it will help black anime fans meet other black anime fans. But why does it matter to me that my anime liking friends are black? Do I have a problem with anime fans who aren’t black? Are black people superior in my eyes? If you want to meet people who share your hobby, that’s great. But why does it matter that they’re LGBT? Now I would understand if it was the convention was for something where sexuality is relevant like marriage or counseling or even porn. The closest to sexuality being relevant to video games are when you choose who you want to screw in a BioWare game.

One of the points that they’re making is that it helps gay gamers feel safe from discrimination. This is from their pitch:

Unfortunately stereotypical bias among gamers does exist and it can make a hostile environment for minorities in the gaming community. Hang around an online game long enough and you’ll start hearing homophobic, racial, and misogynistic slurs slung around without a second thought.

I’ll admit this is true and any online gamer will vouch for it. But this has nothing to do with people being racist, homophobic or misogynistic and everything to do with the fact that people tend to be dicks behind a wall of anonymity. There is nothing you can do to change that. You can make real life as politically correct as you want but online gamers will still be assholes. I’ve also never heard of any hostility happening at gaming conventions. Let me remind you that at gaming conventions it’s perfectly normal (even expected) to see a few men in Sailor Moon costumes.

No. If you want to see fat male Sailor Scouts you’ll have to search it yourself.

Now I’m not saying don’t support Gaymercon. If you want to go, fine. Pick me up one of those cool GameBoy cartridge necklaces. It’s not hurting anyone, and it is a gaming convention, so I hope it does good. But I just don’t think that the LGBT theme is going to help anyone. If you want to contribute to Gaymercon there’s still five days left on the Kickstarter and they’ve still got pledge gifts left. What’s your take on Gaymercon? Let me know in the comments.

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“Paying $60 for this game was so fun that I just can’t wait to spend more!”- No person, ever.

Well today, in proving that companies don’t know what consumers want, Bioware staffer Fernando Melo announced that fans want Day One DLC. I’m sorry but sir, have you ever actually bought a video game? You obviously don’t know how your customers think. Listen to what this joker said:

Contrary to what you might hear on the internet, fans do want more content. They tend to say, ‘I want it now’

Now of course this makes perfect sense. The last time I bought a new game I was 20 minutes in when it hit me that I wanted more content. You know what I did to solve this problem? I kept playing the brand new game I just bought. Oh wait, he doesn’t make sense. Go figure. He later says that most BioWare customers don’t even finish their game, so it doesn’t make sense to have them wait three months for extra content. If they didn’t even want to finish what they already paid for why would they buy more? Listen, Melo: we’re not buying this BS explanation. We know this is BioWare’s way of justifying charging us for content that should have just been included on the disk. It’s one thing to give us this Day One DLC crap but to say this is just insulting. If done correctly DLC can be a wonderful product of modern gaming technology.Tiding fans over until the next full game by selling us extra content for a fraction of the cost of the full game.That is what DLC is supposed to be. What DLC should not be is for publishers to withhold content and charge for it. Luckily there are some games doing it right like Dark Souls and Left 4 Dead (whose DLC might have been free on the Xbox if it wasn’t for Microsoft’s rules).

As a kid I would watch Futurama every week, way before Fox’s Sunday night block was dominated by Seth MacFarlane. For the three people who don’t know, the show is about a delivery boy named Fry who was frozen in 2000 and thawed out a millennium later. Like everyone else I love how stupid a show it usually is. That being said, I was surprised when I saw some pretty intelligent satire in a couple of the newer episodes.

In Attack of the Killer App, everyone becomes obsessed with the latest must-have item, the EyePhone. The basic plot involves Fry competing with Bender to get one million internet followers. But what they don’t know is that Mom made a computer virus that will infect the brains of all of their followers. With her million plus mind-controlled zombies she has the citizens of New New York flock to her store to buy more products. That’s right, she had over a million mind slaves and all she does is make them buy crappy electronics. No world domination, no war, no servants, just increased profits. If you don’t pay attention you can miss a lot of what the writers are saying about Apple and corporations like it. Sure it was a funny joke to have the line for the EyePhone literally stretch across town, but look at the real life lines for iPhones. When you really think it gets even more ridiculous. Thousands of people standing in line for a product that isn’t going anywhere. There’s also a lot on privacy in the internet age, but I’m not going to cover that. Otherwise I might let it slip that I’m stalking I care about every single one of you.

You can start by giving me back my soul.

The other episode is called Overclockwise. When Bender is having a hard time playing newer video games because he’s so out of date. Cubert overclocks him which gets the Professor and himself put on trial for violating Bender’s EULA. Anybody remember GeoHot? He was a hacker who was sued by Sony for putting out instructions on how to jailbreak the PS3. Before that an Apple store called the police to arrest a man who had jailbroken his iPod. This was a little reminder of how idiotic it is that when you buy something, the company feels that they still own it.  You know, I should write an article about that sometime.

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Your BS is making Pikachi cry. I hope you’re happy.

I’ve been a Nintendo kid ever since I stopped playing the Candyland handheld game. Hell, Pokémon Red practically taught me how to read. Since the SNES every one of their home consoles has been under my roof. It hasn’t been since recently that I’ve really been disappointed in the company. It might be hard to remember a time before Microsoft stepped into the ring, but Nintendo used to be the iconic gaming company. But now they just seem like a big joke. What happened? Please leave all Wii puns at the door.

Greed

“Based on a true story”.

This started to stand out a little while after I got my Wii. I didn’t get my Wii until 2009, a few years after it came out, but I was still seeing launch titles priced $50 new. Older Wii games such as Super Mario Galaxy and LoZ: Twilight Princess didn’t get a price drop until around a year ago. Once I went into GameStop and Mario Kart was $40 used (but the wheel would run you an extra ten). This is ridiculous when you consider that some of the top games from last holiday season are selling for around  $20 new while Super Mario Galaxy 2 is over two years old and still costs the same. I know the latest Metroid is selling for $10 new, but don’t pretend that has nothing to do with it being a market flop. I’m not even going to go over the ridiculously unnecessary DSi, DSiXL, and 3DSXL. I could make a tasteless joke about XL and overcompensation and stereotypes about Asian penises, but I’ll leave that honor to the rest of the internet.

Handling Hardware

Because marketing strategy is just so overrated.

The 3DS was announced not too long after the DSi. I want to be very clear about this: I love the 3DS. It’s the most beautiful piece of gaming hardware that I’ve ever seen. But the way Nintendo handled it was absolutely horrible. The North American release was in the first quarter, which is when gaming companies usually take it easy seeing as all their customers are still broke from Christmas. No wonder Nintendo thought that this was the perfect time to start selling a $250 handheld. Not to mention that its strong titles wouldn’t start coming in until months later. Then of course Nintendo realized that they had screwed up and forgot an analog stick. Um… oops?

The Games

I can’t wait to buy this a fifth time!

I almost forget that Nintendo even makes games. Looking at what’s in store for WiiIU, the only first-party games that aren’t sequels are a minigame collection and ZombiU. Half of the titles slated to be on WiiU will be on all the other platforms. I really don’t see a lot of people flocking to WiiU to play Assassin’s Creed III when they’ve got a perfectly good Xbox. The last time Nintendo came up with a good franchise was Pikmin, and that was in 2001. Even Miyamoto himself thinks Nintendo needs some fresh blood. If Nintendo can’t come up with anything new they could at least bring back something they haven’t touched in a while like Earthbound or F-Zero.

I don’t see Nintendo getting better anytime soon. The eighth generation is going to be pretty rough for them. I’ll skip on the WiiU, but maybe they’ll get their act together and my kids will be Nintendo brats like I was. What do you guys think of Nintendo these days? Let me know in the comments.

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Possible DLC?

Last fall I picked up L.A. Noire and I was pretty surprised that Rockstar had published a game with such a fresh premise. You play as Cole Phelps, a detective in the L.A.P.D. during the 1940s. Most of the gameplay involves you gathering evidence and interrogating suspects to solve the case. And if you’re like me, you spend even more time legally car-jacking people and causing traffic accidents. But while I do have fun protecting, serving and driving on the wrong side of the road, I’m still unable to satisfy the need to be a sadistic douchebag I feel whenever I play an open-world game. I want the chance to be a corrupt officer, taking bribes, bashing protesters, controlling crime instead of stopping it. I know no one likes these kinds of guys in real life, but I dare you to look me in the eye and say that this wouldn’t make for a fun video game.

Let’s say you start off as a new cop in say, Detroit (because everyone just adores Detroit). It’s your first week and you’re teamed up with an old pro. Your partner gives you some real Training Day style experience and you witness first hand the corruption in the police force. Flash forward a few years and you’re leading a raid on a drug house. The head of the operation runs away and you run after him while the other cops handle the rest. You corner the guy and he’s pleading you to make a deal. You let him be in exchange for some of his profit. If you take his offer then you are on your way to becoming one of the most powerful men in the city. Through a series of missions and negotiations you have city officials, drug lords and even other cops under your thumb and no one can touch you. To top it off you can spend your free time harassing citizens however you can imagine.

No no, that’s just too perfect.

If you don’t take this path you’ll be given a more heroic task. The people respect you and criminals fear you. But since you never took the chance to grab power, someone else did. There is a corrupt cop and you’re trying to take down his whole operation. Eventually he knows you’re on to him and he uses his influence to kick you off the force. From then on you’re a vigilante fighting for justice. Like Batman… except you’re not Batman. Thanks to your great track record you’ll have allies both in and outside of the police. With these you can put together your own guerilla war on crime. Your secret local militia will be shutting down all kinds of operations while weakening the police-ran crime empire. I guess the simplest way to describe this game would be L.A. Noire meets Grand Theft Auto with a little bit of Infamous.

What do you guys think of this game idea? Tell me how you would handle making a game like this in the comments.